


The red panties debacle

by TheLadySyk0



Series: Johnkat movies and ghosts au [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal Sex, BAMF Terezi, Chubby Karkat, Chubkat, Dave gets freaked out, Davrezi, Dork Dave, Dork terezi, Dumb John, Dumb in a sweet way, F/M, FUCK YOU, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I would like to personally apologize to Hussie, Karkat wants to feel pretty, Lingerie, M/M, Minor OC - Freeform, No its not fucking Kwanza John, No wait I'm still mad at you for killing nepeta, Overprotective Terezi, PWP, Panties, Porn, Sex, Slight Dom/Sub, Spanking, Terezi dresses like an idiot, Terezi will smack a bitch, The return of Jamie for those who read my "Karkat is a jealous bitch" story, a certain scene where an intern fists a jar of hairgel, cross dressing, johnkat - Freeform, links to funny underwear, now with clickable links, terezi is awesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-15 08:09:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4599267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLadySyk0/pseuds/TheLadySyk0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The red panties debacle. Will make more sense if you read "Karkat is a jealous bitch first" but can be read alone.</p><p> Karkat just wants to feel pretty and he accidentally set Terezi Pyrope on John.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The red panties debacle

Somewhere deep in a very large house that was still being built in some parts, a romantic comedy director slept. Karkat Vantas was currently the hottest romantic comedy screenwriter and director in hollywood and the key to his success was currently occupying the space next to him in bed and drooling slightly on his pillow.

Karkat and John had been going out since high school, he was Karkat’s romantic muse and when the time came that Karkat finally got a movie deal for one of his screenplays, he had begged John to act for him.

Years later, they had built up quite the careers for themselves. Karkat wrote and directed the movies while John acted. Karkat and Dave owned the movie studio that Karkat directed from, John had millions of fangirls the world over, and the proceeds paid for the lovely little house they were having built at the moment.

It was a great life. Karkat looked appreciatively over the slightly snoring John Egbert as he laid sprawled out over the bed, his long lanky and tanned limbs going in every which direction. John always kicked off the covers and slept haphazardly across the mattress, while Karkat hoarded blankets no matter how hot it was outside, and slept curled up next to John.

Karkat kicked off the covers that were wound tightly around him and sat up in bed. John was sprawled over the bed, his face mashed into a pillow, wearing nothing but a pair of briefs and damn does he have a nice ass. Karkat has devoted quite a bit of his film career to John and his lovely ass. Considering the proceeds they make on their movies, he would guess that this was a million dollar ass right here.

He reached out and patted John’s ass.

See that? Million dollar ass right there.

And he gets to touch it every day for free.

Karkat gets up off the bed with a final loving glance at John’s ass. He pads across the carpet and goes to the dresser, he picks up a brush and looks into the mirror and-

WHAT THE MOTHER-FUCKING SHIT.

Now Karkat isn’t the kind of person who pays attention to his looks. He’s never cared about fashion, he just throws on a comfortable sweater or hoodie. He’s never done his hair up in any particular way, and he’s never plucked his eyebrows, even though he probably should.

He never thought he was cute, or thought that being cute was important, even though John tells him he’s cute all the time. No matter how many times John has wound an arm around him and kissed his neck and called him attractive in one way or another, he’s never considered himself attractive.

No he never really paid attention to that kind of stuff which is probably why he didn’t see this sooner.

Karkat grew up in the kind of neighborhood where running from the cops and climbing chain-link fences was just a part of growing up. He hasn’t had to run from the cops in years, all he’s had to do was sit on his ass and type out screenplays or yell at actors and that really isn’t exercise. Yeah maybe his baggy sweaters haven’t been so baggy anymore but-

When the fuck did he get fat?

“JOHN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

John starts awake with a jerk and accidentally flails off the bed. He jumps up from the carpet beside the bed. “WAA?? KARKAT WHAT’S WRONG??!!”

Karkat turns slowly to John a dark look on his face that would have cast a regular person into the depths of fear and despair. Luckily for John, he’s built up an immunity to Karkat’s death glares and usually just boops him on the nose.

Which is exactly what John does now.

John smiles and rises from the carpet. He snakes an arm around Karkat’s waist and boops him on the nose.

“boooooooop”

Karkat bats his hand away “WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME I WAS GETTING FAT JOHN?”

John shrugs “You’re not fat! You’re pleasantly plump! besides I thought you knew..” he hugs Karkat and pats his belly while nuzzling into his hair.

Karkat pinches his thick thighs and frowns “I guess I never paid attention dicklord, I’ve been paying too much time filming YOUR ass to pay any attention to mine…”

John pats Karkat’s ass. “I like your ass.” John reaches down and grabs a handful of ass with both hands and jiggles it. Karkat definitely does NOT squeak. “Its really fun to play with.”

Karkat bats his hands away “WELL SAY GOODBYE TO THIS ASS BECAUSE THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE! I’LL HIRE A PERSONAL TRAINER OR SOME SHIT BECAUSE-”

John drops to his knees and cups Karkat’s ass reverently “Goodbye ass…” He whispers.

Karkat slaps a hand to his face “John what the fuck.”

John lightly strokes Karkat’s ass and tries to fight back a smile “We’ve had a good time together ass...I hope you remember me fondly…”

“John no.” Karkat steps out of the circle of John’s arms trying his best not to laugh at John because shenanigans like this shouldn’t be encouraged. John slides down Karkat’s body dramatically and lays on the carpet reaching desperately out for Karkat’s butt.

“Goodbye sweet butt!!” he calls out overdramatically “We’ll always be together in my heart! remember the good times butt!! remember!!!!”

Karkat can’t hold his laughs back anymore and he sinks down to his knees and leans over John. He puts a hand on either side of John’s face and kisses him because holy fucking shit John is an idiot, and he loves this imbecile more than is probably healthy, and he’s never going to let this dork go. EVER.

Karkat straddles John on the carpet of their bedroom. They kiss and John fondles his butt until they absolutely have to go and pay attention to their responsibilities for the day.

 

Later that day Karkat is at the movie studio. Karkat walks past the makeup station mirrors and frowns a little at his silhouette. John has told him that he looks cute and that he finds him attractive a million times that day but still…

Karkat doesn’t feel pretty.

Which is weird because he’s a guy! He shouldn’t want to feel pretty! He’s never been pretty! He’s never going to be pretty! He watches all of the pretty makeup girls titter as they walk by, all of the actresses who are tall and lean and-

The kind of people he casts as John’s love interest. The kind of people who can stand next to him and look like they belong there, like a matching set instead of when he’s with John it's like...It's like a ken doll and a troll doll.

He knows that John loves him to the moon and back. He knows that, but that doesn’t stop him from feeling….gross….just all around...gross….  
He sulks like that for a good long time until Kanaya stalks over to him. She stands over him, tall and elegant, today she’s wearing a long green dress, thick gold cuffs adorn her wrists and a thick gold band sits on her collarbone, gold earrings peek out from her immaculately styled black hair.

“Karkat.” She smiles at him “I need to talk to you about wardrobe for the upcoming love scene.”

Karkat nods “alright...sure”

She smiles and claps her hands “Alright then, ladies!”

A line of thin beautiful women file out from the dressing rooms and stand in a line in front of Kanaya and Karkat. They are all dressed in skimpy, flowing and lacy undergarments that have bows and ribbons and lace fronts. Karkat feels like he wants to curl in on himself and his baggy frumpy sweater.

Kanaya motions to the first girl “Now Stephanie here is wearing a ‘teddy’-”

“Stephanie” apparently her name is smiles and twirls to show off the garment. It looks like a one-piece swimming suit if it were made out of lace.

Kanaya nods “Thank you Stephanie. Its a very alluring piece, but perhaps it's a little too showy for the character’s taste..Now Lila if you will…”

The next girl Lila steps out of line a curtsies. She’s wearing a flowy garment that starts above her breasts and flows down to the tops of her hips, underneath a pair of lacy panties peek out.

Kanaya nods “this one is called a ‘baby doll’ it might suit the character more but perhaps we would go with a different color and-”

Karkat honestly isn’t really listening right now. He watches the girls go by in a flurry of delicate and lacy undergarments. He picks out a random style when Kanaya asks him to and thinks. They all looked so...pretty. and confident and…

He ducks into the wardrobe station when everyone is out to lunch. He pulls out the garment that Lila was wearing. A flowy baby doll top with cute little ribbons and bows. He rubs the fabric between his fingers and it feels so soft and way more expensive than anything he’s ever bought for himself before. He drapes the garment against himself and rocks from side to side to admire how the fabric flows. He smiles and-

Kanaya leans on the doorframe. “Yes, I thought you liked that one.”

Karkat freezes where he stands, his face turns beet red. “HI...KANAYA….I DIDN’T HEAR YOU COME IN...I WAS JUST...UH…”  
Kanaya smiles knowingly and steps over to gently take the garment out of Karkat’s hands. Karkat lets her take the garment and he plays with the edges of his sleeves nervously. Kanaya looks over the garment.

“It truly is a lovely piece...but may I suggest a different color? Red suits you so much more….”

Karkat tries to edge past her “Well...that sure was...purely educational for the movie...yep and- WAIT WHAT?”

Kanaya smiles at Karkat and strokes the fabric “There's nothing wrong with a little curiosity Karkat… I and Rose often-”

Karkat hunches his shoulders and puts a hand out to stop Kanaya “I DON’T NEED TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR KINKY LESBIAN LOVE SCENES KANAYA I ALREADY TOLD YOU I WASN’T-”

Kanaya raises an eyebrow at Karkat “You weren’t what? You weren’t playing with lingerie like a pretty pretty princess?”

Karkat gapes at her before crossing his arms and scowling like a petulant child. “NO.”

Kanaya shrugs “Whatever you say…” She walks over to the rows of wardrobe clothes “Well if you weren’t playing with lingerie, you wouldn’t be interested in this piece, that just so happens to be your size and just so happens to be a more appropriate color for you…”

Kanaya pulled out a slightly larger red baby-doll style piece of lingerie and a pair of matching red panties and leaves them draped over the counter. It’s multitude of satin bows and ribbons glistening enticingly.

Kanaya turned and started to glide out of the room, her high heels clacking as she walked “Oh dear...I must attend to a thing that needs attending to...I must leave you alone with that thing that you definitely don’t want…”

She left with a wink as her green dress floated elegantly behind her, leaving Karkat and the Red lingerie.

For the record it's not stealing if you own the joint.

 

Karkat sat on the edge of his bed, John had just gone out for his daily run, this meant that Karkat had a good solid thirty minutes to himself.

Alright then.

Oh god if his dad knew what he was about to do.

He could imagine Slick’s face “The fuck are you doing kid?!”

Well fuck you! Is it really so wrong for a guy to want to feel pretty? Oh fucking fuck what the actual fuck is he about to do?

He pulled out the garment and for a moment he panicked, he wanted to shove the piece of flowy fabric down the garbage disposal, to bury it in a hole out on the garden, to hide it somewhere where no one would ever find it again, because this is SO stupid, what if anyone ever found out and-

But it was so pretty...It was a little bit crumpled from it’s time in Karkat’s bag, but the fabric was so soft...and the little satin bows were so cute and…

Karkat really...really...wanted to put it on…

Well shit here goes nothing…

He shucks off his sweater, his jeans and his briefs and reaches for the garment. After a few false tries he manages to work out how the fuck all of the straps and bows and what not work. He slides on the red panties and-

Hell.  
fucking.  
yes.

Holy shit its so soft! Karkat looks at it in the mirror and rocks from side to side, watching the fabric flow around his torso. He touches all of the little red ribbons and bows, slides his hand across the satin. He twirls around and watches the fabric sway, he looks at it in the mirror from behind. He guesses that the panties are a little too small, or maybe girls like it when panties show off half your ass? His butt extends out farther than the panties, his buttcheecks peeking out from under the lace, and actually that probably is like that on purpose.

Holy crap he feels pretty as fuck.

He shakes his hips experimentally and smiles at how the fabric-

Holy fuck John is in the doorway. John is staring at him, still sweaty from his jog.

John looks at him “.....is it my birthday?” he whispers.  
Karkat is frozen on the spot “......uh……”

John is gaping at him “Or our anniversary….hanukkah?….Christmas?...kwanza?....”

Karkat scowls at John. “Yes John...Its FUCKING KWANZA! NOW CAN YOU GET OUT? THIS IS ALREADY EMBARRASSING ENOUGH AS IT IS!!!”

John boops him on the nose “Oh my god you’re blushing that's the cutest thing! But seriously, i’m not complaining or anything, far from it actually, but I’m still a little curious as to why you’re in lingerie?....”

Karkat stands at the end of their bed and fidgets. He plays with the hem of the frock and shrugs.

“I just….I…” He bites his lip and shrugs again “It just…..I feel….pretty…”

John’s mouth quivers and he lets out a small laugh.

Karkat throws up his arms “I FUCKING KNEW YOU WOULD BE AN ASS ABOUT THI-”

John puts his hand to Karkat’s mouth. Karkat glares at him and John kisses Karkat on the nose and in between his eyes.

John smiles “....you already are pretty Karkat…”

Karkat smiles, he leans up for a kiss and-

“...also those panties make your ass look great...like WOW…..” John whispers against his mouth.

Karkat rolls his eyes “Oh just fucking shut up.”

Karkat takes a handful of John’s shirt and yanks him down to kiss him. John reaches down and picks Karkat up, his hands gripping Karkat’s plush ass and touching the thin lace of the red panties. John carries Karkat over to the bed and drops him onto the mattress, they both giggle as Karkat bounces on the mattress, John settles over him and.

Karkat might not think much of the way he looks, he might think that he looks like a troll doll next to John but… John looks down at Karkat, smiling, his hair sprawled against the sheets and his lips swollen from kissing, his thick thighs his freckles…

He looks beautiful.

And John knows that he is the luckiest man in the world.

John leans over Karkat, his hands go underneath him, traveling up his back and burying themselves in his hair. He deepens the kiss.

Karkat clutches at John’s wide shoulders, the muscle still slick with sweat, his hands travel up to John’s wet hair and he tugs slightly.

John grunts into the kiss and pulls back slightly “Oh so thats how its gonna be?” He murmurs against Karkat’s lips and smiles. Karkat smiles back.

John grips one of Karkat’s thick thighs and flips Karkat over onto his stomach. He hikes up Karkat’s knees so that his lovely fat ass is in the air. John puts both hands on Karkat’s ass and kneads, groping him thoroughly before he pulls his hand back and slaps his ass hard. He puts his hips against Karkat’s and Karkat can feel John’s erection through his workout shorts, John grinds against the red lace.

Karkat clutches the bedsheets and whimpers. His cock grows in the red lacy panties.

John smiles and drops to his knees by the bed. He sucks a hicky into the soft underside of one thick thigh and slaps Karkat’s ass again before kneading and groping thoroughly.

Karkat moans and lets his head drop to the mattress. John gropes underneath the red lace and licks the fabric over Karkat’s balls before he grips the elastic of the panties and pulls, exposing Karkat’s ass fully. The panties hang off of one of Karkat’s ankles. John retrieves the lube from the bedside table and coats his fingers in the strawberry-smelling liquid, he circles Karkat’s hole teasingly.

“You ready kitty?”

Karkat bites his lip and wiggles his ass “Yeah I’m fucking ready come on…”

John inserts a finger and starts to thrust it in and out, Karkat takes one of the bed pillows and inserts in under his hips, he arcs his back and angles his butt out. John takes advantage of Karkat’s exposed ass and spanks him again, the meat of his ass turning a rosy pink before he adds in another finger. He leans over Karkat as he finger fucks him.

“Look at you…” He whispers “You’re so fucking hot Karkat… all blushing and whimpering underneath me… so fucking cute...you like my fingers huh?” John adds a third finger and thrusts faster. “Want something bigger?”

Karkat whimpers and rocks back onto John’s fingers thrusting in and out of him “Oh fucking yes…”

John smiles and takes his cock from his workout shorts. He coats his dick with more sweet-smelling lube and gives himself a few strokes to fatten up. He withdraws his fingers and lines up his cock.

He sinks into Karkat and Karkat arcs his back and grips the sheets tighter. John grips and kneads Karkat’s ass. He thrusts slowly, giving Karkat time to adjust. He leans over Karkat and slides his hands underneath the flowy top, he fondles Karkat’s chest while thrusting lazily.

Karkat is fully hard now, leaking precum. Every one of John’s thrusts rubs his cock against the pillow under his hips. Karkat reaches behind him to grab John’s hip and pull him closer.

“...pleeeaaase….” He whispers “.....moooore…..”

John moves his hands off of Karkat’s chest, he uses one to brace himself against the mattress and the other to grip Karkat’s hip. He bites the shell of Karkat’s ear and whispers.

“...Sure thing kitty…”

John snaps his hips into Karkat brutally. He starts a rough fast pace that leaves Karkat’s thighs shaking. Karkat grips the sheets and arcs his back. Karkat screams-

“OH FUCKING YES JOHN!!”

With every rough thrust of John’s hips, Karkat’s dick ruts against the pillow underneath him. John mouths hickies into Karkat’s neck. He bites down on the junction between neck and shoulder and Karkat moans brokenly.

He’s so close, he’s so close he needs to tell John that he’s close, but he can’t seem to scrape his thoughts together enough to do so with the John’s cock inside of him and-

Karkat arcs his back, the back of his head hits John’s chest, his toes curl, he reaches behind him to grip John’s ass and angle him-OH MY FUCKING GOD YES

Karkat comes with a desperate scream, clenching around John like a vise. John continues to thrust brutally and every stroke seems to prolong Karkat’s orgasm, wracking his body with aftershock after aftershock. Finally John buries himself as deep as he’ll go inside Karkat, wrapping his arms around his waist tightly, plastering himself against Karkat’s back, he bites his shoulder hard and comes deep inside.

As Karkat and John lay panting on the bed, goofy smiles on their faces, the lacy red panties fall from Karkat’s ankle and land on the floor under the bed where both John and Karkat will forget about them.

 

Dave and Terezi go into John and Karkat’s bedroom. Dave goes to the dresser and starts digging through the top drawer.

“Alright Rez’...” Dave drawls “John said it would be around here somewhere, we’ll be on our way quick so just sit tight and don’t touch anything…”

Terezi sits back on the bed. They’re going to a movie premiere and John asked Dave to go and get his father’s watch that he forgot. In true Terezi fashion, Terezi’s dress is made with rather expensive fabric, but the faux dragon scales that run across the fabric ruin what could have been true couture.

“Yeah coolkid...we COULD do that OR we could see what kind of porn they have under their mattress!” She giggles maniacally and rolls over on the mattress.

From this angle Dave can see the dragon wings tattooed onto her back. He can see her thin face and how her lips quirked into a wide smirk, her nails filed into long talons. Being in a room with Terezi Pyrope is like being in a room with a live Cobra, fascinating and utterly terrifying at the same time.

Dave fucking loves it.

He’s seen witnesses piss themselves when Terezi cross examines them, and honestly he’s developed a bit of a fetish.

Wait shit he got distracted.

He gently slaps Terezi’s hands away from where they had been snaking underneath the mattress, looking for porn or other assorted things she could potentially blackmail John and Karkat with.

“As much as I would fucking love to see what John and Karkles beat their meat with, probably a hidden treasure trove of Nic Cage ab shots and Will Smith dick pics gathered through all of their secretive Hollywood contacts, or maybe pictures of John feeding Karkat cake, because that might explain some things, heres another idea: how about we don’t, and we can pretend that all my best friends do is hold hands and give each other chaste kisses.”

Terezi waved him off and Dave gave up, going back to searching through John’s top drawer.

Terezi smiled “.....ten bucks says that they have a vibrator under here….”

Dave looked back at her, impassive behind his shades “.....you’re on…”

Terezi smiled gleefully and went back to digging under the bed, She scratched around and-  
She pulled out the red panties, stretching them between her hands.

“......the fuck is this?....”

Dave retrieved John’s father’s watch “What’s what- oh SHIT….”

Terezi looked over the panties “.....lady’s panties….”

Dave stood there frozen “....oh shit thats kind of a bad thing to find in a gay couple’s bedroom….”

Terezi stretched them out in her hand “....”

“Ok…” Dave nodded “This probably doesn’t mean what I think it might mean...I mean maybe they…”

Terezi shook her head “....These are WAY too small to be Karkat’s….they wouldn’t fit over his huge ass…”

“....yeah but they wouldn’t….I mean neither of them would….”

Terezi squinted at the panties, she was legally blind but she could still see colors and shapes “....they wouldn’t fit John either….this is pretty compelling evidence Dave….”

Dave shook his head “But neither of them would….I mean who would they even…”

“Cheat with?” Terezi finished his sentence “...Vriska has been wanting to get into John’s pants for a long time now….”

“Rez….no Rez John would never….”

Terezi looked at Dave over her glasses, her milky unseeing eyes still sharp and cunning “I know Vriska better than you Dave...She’s playing John’s love interest in the movie right?....it would be just like her to invite herself over to ‘practice lines’....you know how much of a goob John is….”

Dave crossed his arms over his chest “....so what do we do about it?....”

Terezi purses her lips “....This matter will need to be investigated….We’ll need to tell Karkat….if my fears are realized…” She grips the fabric tighter, straining the fabric and popping a few seams.

“If my fears are realized….there will be absolutely NO WHERE FOR JOHN TO HIDE FROM MY WRATH!!!”

Terezi put the panties into her dragon-egg shaped clutch as evidence. Dave took her arm and they silently went to the movie premiere, the panties weighing heavily on their mind.

 

The day after the premiere, Terezi and Dave went to Karkat’s movie studio to pay him a friendly visit.

Terezi wore a dragon tales sweater that Dave had picked up for her ironically, her dragon egg clutch at her hip. Her boots were painted with scales and fake talons and she definitely didn’t look like the city’s most feared attorney, except for the way she stalked into the studio, her red painted lips drawn in a hard line, and no matter how stupidly she dressed, there was just no way to disguise the way she walked as if constantly crushing bugs of stepping on people’s faces.

Dave walked by her side, he was dressed far less stupidly, wearing a dark black suit, but it was obvious even to bystanders that Terezi was 100% in charge. She turned towards him-

“...talk to the crew...see if they know anything...I will talk to Karkles…”

Dave nodded and strided (pun definitely intended) off to talk to the rest of the crew. Terezi put on her best friendly smile (which was still scary enough to send small children crying) and went off to find Karkat.

Karkat was having a perfectly fine day, talking with the set designers about the atmosphere of a certain scene, yelling at boom mike operators, and micromanaging everything everyone was doing. The scenes they were filming today had to do with the female love interest’s backstory and didn’t involve John yet so he had given John the day off. Terezi of course knew this, which is why she chose today to attack.

She leaned over Karkat and gave him what she thought was a nice and friendly smile, but really made it look like she was about to eviscerate him and eat his liver. Karkat however, was used to this kind of shit.

“THE FUCK DO YOU WANT TEREZI.”

“ooooooooh nooothing! Juuust seeing how you’re doooing…..” She cocked her head and smiled. A couple of makeup girls took a look at her face and her “friendly smile” and started to back away.

“AGAIN...THE FUCK DO YOU WANT TEREZI…”

 

Dave had cornered a young intern named “Jamie” and was currently talking to him.

“So…” Dave drawled “Notice anything weird about Karkat or John…”  
Jamie shrugged “I don’t think so...except…” He put his finger to his chin, deep in thought. “...there HAVE been some weird noises…”

Dave cocked his head “...oh yeah...what KIND of weird noises…”

Jamie shrugged, he picked up a tub of hair gel from one of the makeup girl’s stations. He put his hand in the tub of gel and thrust it in and out, making slurpy wet noises “shlckt shlickt schlickt When they have lunch together in their trailer it kinda sounds like this shlickt schlickt schlickt.”

Dave didn’t need to know this. He really didn’t need to know this. “Ok. Ok can you PLEASE STOP DOING THAT NOW?”

Jamie looked up at him “....also Yoghurt! why do they hate yoghurt...its a perfectly good breakfast food if you ask me….” Jamie continued to thrust his hand in and out of the jar “shlickt schlickt schlickt ….its weird if you ask me…..shlickt schlickt….”

This was too fucking much for Dave to handle, he backed away from the intern slowly “......I’m going to leave….”

Jamie waved at him with the hand that wasn’t currently in a jar of hair gel “BYE have a wonderful day!”

Dave doesn’t even know what the hell is up with that guy.

 

Terezi raked her talon-like nails across one of the set pieces and cocked a rail-thin hip.

“I was just wondering Karkles…..if John has been acting…..STRANGE lately….”

Karkat cocked an eyebrow at her “THE ONLY ONE WHO IS ACTING STRANGE AROUND HERE IS YOU! NOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON…”

Dave appeared at Terezi’s side “....the crew here are fucking weird as shit Rez’ we better just tell him now….”

Karkat threw up his arms “FUCKING TELL ME WHAT?”

Terezi took one of Karkat’s wrists and pulled him over to his trailer, Dave trailed behind them and closed the door once they were inside.

Terezi looked into Karkat’s eyes very seriously “....We have reason to suspect that John may have...cheated on you…”

Karkat rolls his eyes “John wouldn’t cheat on me Dragon fucker…”

Dave sighs “...We have evidence Karkles…”

Karkat’s shoulders slump “....what?...”

Terezi grips both of karkat’s shoulders “This may be difficult now Karkles...but I promise to bring both John and the floozy to justice...we just need to identify these panties…”

Karkat shakes his head “I can’t believe that-WAIT DID YOU SAY PANTIES?”

Terezi looks over him gravely, she reaches into her dragon egg clutch and pulls out the panties. “We will need for you to identify THESE undergarments in order to bring the slut to justice..”

Karkat goes red in the face “YOU GUYS...YOU CAN’T...I MEAN...OH FUCK….”

Terezi gets up into Karkat’s face “Ah ha! I can smell that you know! tell me now! You can’t protect them from my wrath!”

Karkat’s face is beet red “......they’re mine….” He whispers.

Dave stares “....wait what?”

Terezi looks at the panties and back to him “.....these couldn’t possibly fit over your ass….”

Karkat grits his teeth and snatches back the panties “THEY’RE FUCKING STRETCHY AS SHIT OK??”

Terezi and Dave look at each other, their eyes wide before they both break out into loud braying laughs. Terezi giggles and snorts wildly, tears running down her face, Dave laughs so loud he brays like a donkey, he tries to cover his mouth with his hand but it barely muffles the sound.

Karkat glares at both of them “...YEAH YEAH...FUCKING LAUGH IT UP ASSHOLES…”

Dave breathes deeply, trying to recover from laughing, chuckles and chortles still coming in short bursts “I have never been so relieved in my entire life! Also this is FUCKING GOLD KARKLES! FUCKING GOLD!”

Terezi giggles like an insane smurf “You will never live this one down Karkles! Never!”

 

Later that night, Terezi lounged in bed, her fingers splayed across a braile page. She wore dragon feet slippers and her nightgown was patterned with tiny sleeping dragons.  
“So I was thinking about Karkles panties today…” Dave called out from the bathroom.

“mmmhmmm…” Terezi hummed noncommittally.

“So what do you think of...THIS!” Dave rounded the corner of the bedroom dressed only in THIS-

Terezi looked up and smiled “...I have no idea why it has googly eyes...But I approve...Dave I APPROVE….”

Dave nodded. “This here is my friend richard….Known to his friends as Dick…”

Terezi nodded at Dave’s crotch “....hello Richard...or may I call you Dick?”

Dave shrugged “...only if you kiss his nose…”

Terezi laughed “Why Dick I believe we’re going to have a lot of fun together….”

**Author's Note:**

> I fucking love comments. So comment on me like one of your french girls.


End file.
